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Is Friend With Benefits Really Possible?
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Now-a-days dating is turning into a thing of the past. It is far more common for guys and girls to have less serious, no strings attached (NSA) relationships. Contrary to popular belief, it isn’t just the guys that want this, many women prefer this arrangement too. Why?
Well the reasons are varied but the idea is that both people get the benefits (usually physical) of a relationship without the responsibilities that come with being in a relationship. Seems like the best of both worlds for a lot of people right? Well, very few people can actually have a successful NSA relationship because it is difficult to separate emotion from physical intimacy. This is especially true for women, but it is possible to have a healthy NSA relationship. I have experienced the good and the bad, and from our experience I thought of a few pointers to follow:
Don’t make assumptions
If you are getting into this kind of relationship, don’t convince yourself for one second that it’s going to flourish into something serious, because chances are it’ s not. Seriously.
Demand respect
In any relationship both people deserve to be equals. If the guy you’re with doesn’t treat you with the respect you deserve, he doesn’t deserve you. If you feel uncomfortable with the way a guy is treating you, speak up, and if things don’t change, move on. For instance, it’s not acceptable if the guy you are hooking up with doesn’t acknowledge you when you on campus or out at night.
Discretion
This should apply to both people involved, yes even you. Neither of you should talk about what you do together with other people unless you’ve decided together that that’s OK. This also applies to hooking up with other people if you decide that it isn’t going to be exclusive. Don’t hook up with other people out of spite or to make them jealous, if you decide take advantage of your non-exclusivity make sure it’s because you want to and that there aren’t ulterior motives for your actions. If your guy hooks up with other people, he should follow the same principles. It’s just common courtesy.
Communication is key
Once you hook up with someone a couple of times, as awkward as you think it will be, you should talk to him. Set some ground rules. Talk about exclusivity, what you want and what he wants, and try to meet in the middle. It doesn’t have to be a super serious but it should probably be in person. I recommend the morning after you can say something like “so I know this isn’t super serious but I’d really like it if ____.” You can fill in the blank with whatever you want. Also keep communication open, and stand up for yourself.
Expect Honesty
In my experience, this has made all the difference. When I know that the guy I’m hooking up with isn’t hiding anything, I become less critical, self-conscious, and less paranoid. This is related to respect and communication, both of you must be honest with yourselves and each other about your intentions, feelings (if you start to develop them), and other hook ups (if you are asked about it).
Keep it casual
If you weren’t friends before, don’t try to be friends now. This is critically important. Usually this is where most people go wrong. Don’t communicate unless you have to, and yeah, this includes those embarrassing drunken phone calls and texts. Don’t try to go on dates, don’t get him birthday presents, and don’t expect anything from him in return. Remember: y’all are just hooking up…nothing more.
No strings attached relationships aren’t for everyone, it is definitely a something you should really think about before doing. That being said, if you follow this advice (ALL of it) you will have the starting foundations you need to have a healthy NSA relationship. However, every relationship and person is different; you may want to add your own expectations to this list.
Most importantly, always remember that you deserve to be treated well. You don’t have to put up with some one that treats you with anything less than respect. You’re worth more than that.